Many people have been up in arms over an article from the Huffington Post that named Asheville on a list of most overrated places to visit. Now we Ashevillians pride ourselves on our unique and eclectic little town. But it got me thinking about all the things that are not so great about this place. I didn’t have to think about it for too long, before these examples became glaringly apparent to me.
The Blue Ridge Parkway – The name is a little misleading. If it truly were a “parkway”, then I should be able to drive up right next to the elevation signs at the scenic outlooks so that I can have my picture taken while my ass is still firmly “parked” in my car.
Dog Friendly Restaurants – Don’t these places know that my dog incessantly begs for food at the table? Allowing me to bring her on the outdoor patio really takes away from my locally sourced dining experience.
Arts Community – This city is supposedly known for having a large and diverse art scene. But I can tell you that I have not been able to find one Thomas Kinkade replica print to send to my Grandmother for Mother’s Day.
Independently Owned and Operated Businesses – In today’s economy I really need to be thrifty and look for bargains. But shopping downtown or in the river arts district can prove to be not so consumer friendly. Just the other day I tried to use my two for one fish taco coupon from Mamacitas to buy a pair of skinny jeans at Union and they refused to take it. The nerve of some of these business owners!
Marijuana – Now, I don’t know about this one personally because I for one, would never do anything, and I mean anything illegal. Hell, I won’t even cross Coxe Avenue until I hear that creepy voice tell me that it’s okay. But I would like to think because of the tree huggin’, Phish lovin’, congo playin’ granolas in this town that there would be at least 3 to 4 strains of the gnarliest shade grown, fair trade, organic nugs around at all times. Strains with names like Purple Nurple, and Oh Shit, What Did I Come Upstairs For Again? But what I’ve been told by folks is that sometimes it’s hard to find some of the ole wacky tabaccky in Cackalacky and it sometimes comes from as far as California. Could this be the real reason James Franco is at Norman Nelson College? Should be calling him, Mule Franco??? Note to self, find out if you can be sued for what you write about someone in a blog…
The Innsbruck Mall – Now, I have to say, this place wasn’t so bad. And I rode up the escalator I started to get a little stressed out about the overwhelming shopping choices I was about to be bombarded with. What a pleasant surprise it was to see that there were only a few choices, and what quality ones they were! After spending an hour reading back issues of the Christian Science Monitor without paying for them, I strolled over to the insurance office to compare rates on my current homeowners and vehicle policies. From there, I figured I mine as well get a second license plate while I’m here, since I’ve been considering buying the school bus that’s parked in my neighbor’s front yard. Alas, I was still slightly disappointed as they didn’t have a Chick-fil-a or even an Auntie M’s Pretzel place to satiate the appetite I had acquired on my shopping excursion.
Perhaps I am jaded because I have lived here so long. Or maybe I just need to get a way for a bit. I’m looking into a time share in Myrtle Beach for the whole month of August.